Hi,
it's me, Pony Pony. I know you think I'm just a pony, but ponies give great advice.
If I had a nickel for every problem I've solved, I'd have enough money to buy
a real bike stand ... not this piece-of-crap plastic one! If you have any questions
you'd like answered, email me at ponypony@ponyrific.com and I'll respond. No question is too taboo or technical. I also dabble in astrology,
if you care! Send me a picture with your question, too, so I can put it up on
my ponyrific website! |
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Dear Pony Pony, I just started dating this guy and he is amazing. We get along great but there is something about him that really bothers me... his taste in music. I'm into bands like, the White Stripes and Queens of the Stone Age, he listens to Fall out Boy and the Pussy Cat Dolls. He's a really great person but I can't help but judge him for his BAD Confused NO NO NO!!!
YES! |
Dear Confused, I know you may be thinking, "Maybe I'll learn to like the Pussy Cat Dolls. I mean, if he likes them and I love him then I should love the Pussy Cat Dolls too." Stop! Relationships are really fun in the beginning and I know you think you should maybe make a few sacrifices to stay together but I'm telling you right now ... don't do it. Think about it ... does anyone cool seriously like the Pussy Cat Dolls? NO! Get out of that new-love-is-blinding-my-reason coma and break up with him while it's still uncomplicated. If you don't the next letter you will be writing me will read, "Dear Pony, my husband said I need to stop riding motorcycles because he wants to have kids ... what should I do?" Give me a break! Trust me on this one ... there are plenty of hotties out there who listen to Queens of the Stone Age so go out and find one! |
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Dear Pony Pony, Is Chuck Norris ponyrific? He fought Bruce Lee in "Way of the Dragon". I think that alone makes him ponyrific!(Not to mention all the Chuck Norris facts.) How about you? Dong Chang |
Dear Dong, I hate to disrespect this obviously talented martial arts champion so let me just say three words: Walker ... Texas ... Ranger. Given the severity of his post-Enter the Dragon career blunders, I would definitely have to say Chuck is totally not pony. On the other hand, Bruce Lee is totally ponyrific and will be remembered as a legendary master of his craft, not for his infomercial work with Christy Brinkley. Keep rockin' the Wing Chun Kung Fu! |
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Dear Pony Pony, How do you make the leathers on your ponies? Here is my attempt at a punk rock pony. Katie Tollitt, 15 |
Dear Katie, I 'm afraid that is classified information but I do love your punk rock pony. I especially like the smudged eyeliner and accessories. Your punk pony makes my punk pony look like Paris Hilton in a crack house. Keep up the good work! |
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Dear
Pony Pony,
I just started riding a little more than a year ago and am thinking about doing track days. All my friends tell me I need a GSX-R1000 or I'll get smoked, but I want to ride my SV650 and then maybe move up to a a Gixxer 600 when I'm ready. What should I do? Robin Thousand Oaks, CA |
Dear Robin, WHOOOAAA!!! Hold on a second! I know I'm just a little pony, but I'm a fast little pony and it's not because I ride a fast bike. When I go to track days, I smoke boys who ride 1000s on my 600 and it's because I have Pony Magic! Stick with your SV and practice, practice, practice! When you feel you've mastered your form, throttle control and precision, and understand how to adjust your suspension to suit you, then maybe you'll want to trade up to a 1000. But maybe not: You might have your SV so dialed-in, you'll be smokin' all your friends! Remember, it's not the bike that makes you fast ... |
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Dear Pony Pony, I'm a pretty good-looking guy with a fair number of girls interested in me, but I always manage to find something wrong with them. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's their personality. As a result, I tend to lose interest pretty quick. This results in me never having a meaningfull relationship. My friends tell me these girls are hot and I'm an idiot. Am I an idiot? Are my standards too high? Please advise!
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Dear Bareback Rider, Thanks for the photo. I think I know what the problem is here: You can't really love a girl when you're totally consumed with yourself! You'll always find faults in them, and no one will ever live up to your expectations! Don't get me wrong, it's not bad to have high expectations, but if you're looking for perfection, you'll be looking forever! Why don't you make an appointment with Lady (shown here) and let her give you a lesson in humility? And no, ponies don't ride bareback because we suffer from a painful affliction known as "monkey butt." |
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Dear Pony Pony, Do you think you could hook me up with Dave Grohl? I think he's totally pony and I heard you two are pals. I'm from Brea, California, and I have a masters degree in architecture. I also play guitar. Thanks Pony Pony, Anne Jensen |
Dear Anne, I don't know how to break this to you softly so I won't: Dave has a pony girlfriend already and doesn't like chicks who play guitar. Judging by your question, I'm guessing you're an Aquarius? It would never work; just let it go! Living in Brea doesn't help either! Sorry! |
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Dear Pony Pony, How do ponies ride motorcycles if they don't have thumbs? I think ponies are slow and can't even ride! See you at the track, Pony Pony! Robert, Ventura, CA |
Dear Robert, Ponies don't need thumbs to rock the throttle! We use something called finesse. You know what else we don't need to be fast? Dicks! See you at the track, sucker, when I'm flying past you and all your extra appendages! The checkered flag is mine!!! |
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Dear Pony Pony, Kan yew give me Bareback Rider's digets? I werk at Hooters and heve blownd heir. I theenk he is hot. Here is a pickture of me. Thenk yew Pony! |
Dear Rocket Scientist, I'll send him your picture and see what he says. Meanwhile, try this website: www.HookedOnPhonics.com You may want to start at "Ages 3-5" Best of luck!! |
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Pony Pony, I just recently started riding motorcycles but I have been finding it difficult to find women's gear that fits me. Either the arms are too short, or the body is too tight, or it's clearly designed for riding on the back of a bike ... you know, riding bitch. What should I do Pony Pony? I want to rock my bike, look cool and be protected! Help me! |
Dear Nobody's Bitch, I know what you mean. I have a hard time finding good gear too. My best advice ... get a custom suit. It's well worth the money. Don't gamble with gear that is too big or too small. The truth is, if it doesn't fit adequately, the armor won't do it's job if you have a get-off. Riding bikes is dangerous ... and you are worth the extra money! Check out my links page for more information. |
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Pony Pony, I'm affended! Hooters girls are really cool and I love Lita Ford. Who do you think you are anyway? James Bradford, 27 |
Dear James , I'm offended that you spell offended with an "a". I'm sure that Lita Ford and the Hooters girls are cool enough to use a dictionary when in doubt ... so why don't you try it! I'm just a little pony who rides motorcycles ... See ya! |
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